Feb 20th

Science

And a group of US-based scientists say the first stars in the universe may have been dark. Fair enough but I think I might need to go and check my definition of “star”. I think it has to be bright and shiny to be a star, I think what they’re talking about are vast lumps of anti-matter. It’s like Kylie Minogue is a star but Michelle McManus is a vast lump of anti-matter. Aww mean.

Nature

A 70-million-year-old fossil of a giant frog has been unearthed in Madagascar by a team of UK and US scientists. The creature was the size of a "squashed beach ball" and weighed about 4kg (9lb). “It’s a real shame it’s extinct”, said a French researcher brandishing a knife and fork.

Military

The coroner investigating the deaths of four British soldiers in a roadside bomb blast in Iraq has called for better protection for troops. The Ministry of Defence responded saying there was "no such thing" as perfect protection. Oh well that’s all right then – we’ll all be using that excuse next time. “I ran over your kid, but hey, no-one’s perfect!”. Also there is a way offering perfect protection to our troops in Iraq. That’s by not marching them off to an illegal war in the first place.

Internet

A San Francisco court has ordered the closure of the website, Wikileaks.org This is the whistle-blowing website which allows people to anonymously post leaked materials with the goal of discouraging “unethical behaviour” by corporations and governments. The site has been doing a fantastic job so far of sharing documents revealing information about torture at Guantánamo Bay, and of what must be called for legal reasons, “possible evidence”, by which I mean “clear obvious irrefutable evidence” of companies colluding, polluting and thieving.

Now a case has been brought against the website by a Cayman Islands-based bank. Now before I explain the case any further lets play “guess who the good guys are”. Is it (a) the tax-haven-based private investment bank? Or is it (b) someone else. Scores later.

The bank claimed that a “disgruntled ex-employee” stole documents violating banking laws on confidentiality. Since when did banks have laws? I mean employee guidelines, sure, but laws are supposed to be set by governments aren’t they? And why would a bank need confidentiality “laws”? What exactly are they hiding?

The documents “allegedly” (i.e. really) detail how the bank helped people evade taxes and launder money. The first of these is a way of ripping of ordinary tax-payers and the second is used by criminals and terrorists alike to move their money around and make it untraceable. But for some reason the courts have decided that the breaking the banks internal confidentiality code is the bigger crime.

This is a bit like if you were filmed murdering someone or shagging a child and you managed to get off scott free and instead sue the owner of the camera for filming you without your consent. If that’s ever happened to you then thanks for listening to the podcast, Michael Jackson and OJ Simpson.

Wales

And you really have to ask how dim the police are in South Wales. A seventeenth teenager has been found dead in Bridgend, having taken her own life. At the ensuing press conference Assistant Chief Constable Dave Morris told reporters “We have found no suggestion of any suicide pact”. Right – what about the seventeen dead bodies. Surely that’s a clue. He went on to say “I would like to put to bed any suggestion within the media that we are investigating suicide pacts or suicide internet links”. No? Well you should be mate. Thinks it’s worth at least checking isn’t it? Before anyone else dies.

Feb 13th

Religion

And the furore over the Archbishop of Canterbury’s comments about Sharia Law continues. This week he made a speech today to the General Synod – who I thought was a character from Star Wars - The Phantom Menace. Now it seems everyone has a view on his comments one way or another. Seems to me pretty obvious that if both parties in a dispute agree on mediation by whatever means – be it Sharia or arm-wrestling competition then they are well entitled to use such a means, but obviously if you want to go to a proper court, you should be able to. I also think we should all spend a lot less time worrying what the unelected head of a jumble sale organisation with plummeting membership thinks about our lives. Surely the whole problem with Sharia law is that it imposes religious laws on people who may not want them. I not only want no part of my life governed by Muslim Sharia judges, I also want no part governed by the Church of England.

Entertainment

Amy Winehouse won four Grammys but had to perform from London because US immigration officials refused to give her a visa because of her drug use. That’s fair enough because remember George Bush has a history of drug abuse and I bet they wish they’d never let him into the country.

Military

The US military announced it is bringing death penalty charges against Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and five other prisoners in Guantanamo Bay. They have apparently confessed to a huge list of crimes including orchestrating the September 11 attacks, the murder of Danny Pearl, the attack on the USS Cole and the bombing of the US Embassy in Kenya. But then that’s what water-boarding will do for you. They also admitted they were the illegitimate love children of Daffy Duck and Porky Pig.

Iraq

A British photojournalist and his interpreter have been kidnapped. I don’t understand. The kidnappers say they want all Westerners to leave their country. But one thing I find makes it really hard to leave a country is being chained to the floor of a concrete bunker.

Sport

Steven Spielberg has withdrawn as artistic adviser for the 2008 Beijing Olympics over concerns China is not doing enough to end the atrocities in Darfur. I think he should have stayed put and used the opening ceremony to make his point. Everyone in black and white, and one little girl in a red dress. And we could have seen an unprecedented level of new world records being set if he’d incorporated a little bit of a Jurassic Park feel into the sprinting events.

Science

Well, sorry, non-science. A report out yesterday says global warming could cut deaths related to cold weather in winter. Apparently if it isn’t cold, less people die of it being cold. They added that less people would die of obesity if there was no food.

Finally a quick headline from the BBC:

Agencies “failed” murdered baby. And they’ve got the word “failed” in inverted commas. I think we can pretty conclusively say that agencies charged with protecting the welfare of young children have failed when the baby’s been murdered.